Surviving the Holidays
The holidays are always marketed to us as a time of joy and family love. It is full of commercials and Instagram posts of people at big tables full of a family having a great time. There are decked out tress with millions of presents beneath them. And joy is supposedly all around. But as pretty much everyone knows by now, that is all one, giant lie.
For starters, not everyone has a family that can afford a bunch of presents, a Christmas tree, and the big dinner at the fancy table. Or if they can, it doesn’t mean it is a happy holiday. People may be dealing with loss or complicated family dynamics. There is also huge monetary pressure on this specific holiday. My boss told me and a co-worker the other night she spent five hours of Christmas shopping in one day just to finish. She had already done a bunch and this was simply the finishing touches. This is all aside from the traveling that so many people do during the holidays. A family rarely lives all in one spot, and traveling is a huge part of the holidays. I travel to my moms, then my sister and I travel to our dads (why don’t more people talk about divorced parent holidays?) and then, of course, we travel back. Even if you have a great relationship with your family, it can still be a lot to be around so many people, and the stress of the holidays can take its toll.
Regardless of your family situation this holiday season, it is important to take care of yourself. So, below I have outlined some helpful tips to hopefully get you through whatever your holidays look like in one piece.
Don’t Go- Sometimes going home for the holidays can hurt you and your mental health way more than it is worth. If you know going home would mean fighting and anxiety and more pain for you, then do not go. While I recognize it is not always easy to tell your family you cannot come home, it is always worth it to preserve yourself and your mental health. But don’t just sit at home and sulk; if you know you would love to be alone on Christmas, then, by all means, live it up! But if you know you will wallow, call friends who you know will be in town and plan a friend’s holiday. Watch movies, bake cookies, enjoy yourselves! Family isn’t just who you are born into, it is also the community you create around yourself.
Leave the House- It is ok to get out of the house and go take a breather. Leave and go get coffee. Go for a little walk. Offer to be the one to get the thing at the store someone forgot. Walk the dog. Even if you get along great with your family, it can still be overwhelming at times and it is ok to just take some time outside of the house.
Quiet Time- If you can’t leave the house, it’s too cold to leave the house, or you prefer to stay home but still need a break, excuse yourself. If you have a good relationship with your family, just say you need some quiet time and will be back in an hour or so. Go read a book, watch an episode of a favorite show, meditate, or do whatever it is that helps you relax. If your family may not understand that you need some quiet time, fake a phone call or something you need to do for work or school. Lying is 100% ok in these situations.
Pack for these Situations- If you know it will be stressful or you may need to excuse yourself to relax, make sure you packed for these situations. Bring a coloring book, CBD, laptop, novel, headphones, yoga mat, or whatever else you know you might need to chill out.
CBD- If being able to step away is not an option, or even if it is but you need a little extra help decompressing, try CBD. It does come from marijuana, but there is no THC so you will not get high from using this product. It is used for pain management as well as anxiety and I can tell you from personal experience it truly does help a lot. It can help you mellow out and enjoy what is going on around you with less anxiety, but no high. All I will say is that I have noticed in higher doses of it, it can make you a little sleepy, so just beware of that.
Small Presents- If you cannot afford a lot of presents, do not feel bad. I’m lucky that my family understands that I am broke and can’t afford a lot. If your family does not understand that, suggest a secret Santa where everyone gets one person something. Or suggest only doing stocking stuffers. If none of these works, don’t stress about it. You being there and spending time with them should be more than enough and if you cannot afford a bunch of gifts for people, just do your best to let that be ok. People will always find something to be mad about, but try to not let that weigh on your conscience. After all, the holidays are not about presents.
Don’t Engage- If a family member brings up a topic you don’t feel comfortable with (politics, religion, your love life, etc.) or brings up something you know will start a fight, don’t engage. Politely say you don’t feel like talking about it and change subjects. If they keep pressing the issue, repeat yourself and walk away. You don’t have to stay in any conversation you feel uncomfortable in, regardless of who brought it up.
Help Someone Else- Maybe you are doing fine and have no issues being in the middle of things, but I would almost guarantee that someone around you isn’t. So if you notice someone seeming stressed out or uncomfortable in any way, step in and help them out. Apply the tips above to them. Invite them to your celebration if they aren’t going home. Help them find somewhere quiet to relax. Get them out of an uncomfortable situation. If you are feeling great, help some else get to that point too.
I hope this has helped someone out there reading this! I am lucky enough to have a good relationship with my family but still am easily overwhelmed in situations like this. And it is 100% ok to excuse yourself and go take a moment to collect yourself. You will have so much more fun if you take a little time to put yourself first.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Madey