Sex and the City: Twenty Years Later
Sex and the City: the tv show we all know and love/hate from the 90’s and early 2000’s. There have been many articles, and posts about this show, ranging from how it was an early expression of new wave feminism, to how it was the worst show for women ever. Depending on how you view feminism, or the show, you could probably see both sides of this argument. I have been re-watching the show as one of those things to have on in the background while I do other things, as I have seen it many times before. But, there were a few things that stood out to me this next time around; both good and bad. I have just finished watching the show yet again, and I am here to share some of my thoughts about the show! Both the good and the bad, and the random in-betweens I haven’t figured out how to characterize yet.
For starters, there are a lot of really good things they touch on: abortion, infertility, adoption, death, miscarriage, cancer, and have many gay characters as main characters in the show. Unfortunately, each of these things is also followed by something less appealing and more problematic. I am going to do a breakdown of the four main female characters to showcase the pro’s, the con’s, and the things in between.
Charlotte: She is perhaps the most annoying character in this show. She is characterized as the Park Avenue princess, with her pearls and Prada and need for everything to be pristine and proper. While as she mainly serves as a foil for the rest of the leading ladies, she causes her own issues. Throughout the course of the show, Charlotte gets divorced, has issues conceiving, and has a miscarriage. All of these are great things to be talked about, but the way she handles them is truly awful. For starters, Charlotte is always trying to get married. She starts off season 4 saying that “this is the year I get married” even though she has no boyfriend or man in her life. She buys a book on how to treat marriage like a business deal and forces her married friends to set her up on dates with their bachelor friends. She gets married after a month, divorced after a year, and then hops right back on to the “finding a husband” train. She quits her job to be married and won’t get another one since married women don’t work in her world. She chastises the other women for not settling down, for settling for men she doesn’t deem appropriate, and for not wanting kids. When she can’t get pregnant but Miranda does, she spends her entire pregnancy trying to make it be the way she would want. She does it the way she thinks it should be done, even thought Miranda is very different than her.
With her issues conceiving, she decides to look into adoption. While doing this, several racist jokes are made at the expense of the “little Mandarin baby” she is waiting to adopt. Once she marries Harry, this does get better, but it starts off as if she is simply buying an accessory. Earlier in the show she even tells Miranda that the man should always make more in the relationship and men marrying down is ok, while women marrying down is not. She has old fashioned values that do not hold up to the way most women live their lives. There is almost no possible way for women to live their lives this way now, or even then. While she does serve as mainly a point for the other women to debate about what she says, and fuels Carrie’s columns, she still is a problematic character to have on television. Her character makes a full shift in the last season of the series, when she and Harry find out they will be getting to adopt, and she pushes Mr.Big to go and get Carrie. Her heart opens to the idea that things are different than how she thinks. And even while all of this is going on, she does always end up supporting her friends even when she doesn’t agree with them.
Samantha: She is one of the few characters who is almost not problematic at all, simply because she admits when she is being problematic. Her point in the show is to be the woman who is so sexually free she can never be tied down to one man, never has relationships, and is the fearless independent. She is sexy and unsentimental in most things she does in her life and chooses to have casual sex over monogamous relationships. Many of her storylines revolve around her trying to get a new sexual conquest into bed, or how to get rid of one who has over stayed his welcome, which is not terrible, but people are much more than just one dimensional in that way. Women are often portrayed in movies and tv as one dimensional characters, and Samantha is no different.
She is given a couple good storylines that involve going to get regular STD checks, what it’s like to be a working woman in a male driven business, and dealing with breast cancer. She also discuses why she chose to get an abortion and how it really did help her life and was the right choice for her. But other than this, she is mainly there for the other women to laugh at, tell her she is being too vulgar, and for her to tell them to skip the relationship and go straight to sex. While there is nothing wrong with choosing this way of life, she is only ever depicted this way. We only see her crack once and potentially seem like she may want something more when she is sick and realizes she has no one to come take care of her. She likes the shock and awe value, but very rarely do we ever get to see a more whole picture of Samantha. We finally see her fall in love in the last episode of the series when her and her current boyfriend, Smith, finally say “I love you” and she opens herself to a more permanent relationship. Smith has been there for the whole journey she has with breast cancer, and serves as a great person to bring out the softer side of Samantha.
Miranda: This is the character that I identify with most, and it seems as if maybe that is the point. She is a partner at her law firm, she loves her job, she wants to get married one day but is not in a rush, and continues to work at her career even after she has a baby. She contemplates abortion, showing that a woman can get an abortion for any reason she wishes, and deals with a loss in her family. She “marries down” as Charlotte would call it, and does not let a difference in income dictate her desires, and neither does her husband. She struggles with letting control go, and realizing that she can ask for help, as many people do. She has her routine and loves it, she is not apologetic and enjoys the life she lives. My only problem with Miranda’s character is that most of her story lines revolve around her having to change herself for someone else. In the case of her kid, that is perfectly fine. Many people have to change the way they live once they have a baby.
But, Miranda is often having to change for men and for her friends so that she can be what they need from her. While every person does evolve and grow throughout their lives, and compromises must be made as you get married, there are certain things that a person should be allowed to keep. She is made to apologize for her work schedule, her career choice, her choice in men, her choice to have a baby on her own, and so many other things. While certain compromises must be made in life, you should not have to compromise your whole self. When her and Steve finally get married, she does have to do much less apologizing and gets to be herself, even when it does slightly bug her husband.
Carrie: And last but not least, Carrie Bradshaw. This is the woman people speak about all the time. Her clothes, her shoes, her amazing lifestyle, and of course her men. But at the heart of it, Carrie is a terrible person and a terrible friend. While her wardrobe is something to envy, the way she lives her life and treats her friends is awful. She is a columnist for the New York Star where she writes about love and sex, which is great and often sparks interesting conversation. But, she often uses her friends lives and problems to write her column, even if they ask her not too. She got into financial issue for spending so much money on shoes she couldn’t afford to buy her house and gets mad when Charlotte won’t offer to help her.
She cheats on Aiden with Mr.Big and then get back with Aiden, and expects him to have no issues with their relationship now. She even has Big come to her and Aiden’s country home while on vacation. She also expects Big’s wife, who is also affected by their cheating, to hear her out and forgive her as well. Her friends are also always there to support whatever insane thing she is doing, but she always critiques them and their life choices as if she is the voice of all reason. She is quippy and sarcastic, and loves clothing, but at the heart of it she is selfish and self centered. Even her gay friend(Stanford) who is horribly stereotyped, has to point these things out to her. She is in it for Carrie, and Carrie alone. She is the example of what not to do as a friend and adult in general. She does not receive her redemption moment in the last episode of the series, but rather in the first movie, when she gets left at the alter and has to re-evaluate some things in her life. This is when she has some new perspectives and revelations on how to treat those around you.
However, with all of that said, and all the problems and social issues that have changed and grown and moved on, this show gave women everywhere a positive look at female relationships. Not just a woman’s relationship to a man, or her job, but a relationship to her best friends that will be there through it all. These four gave a generation of women to look up to when they felt lonely or out of place, and hopefully continue to inspire new generations, even as social issues change. At the end of every episode, even if Carrie was being a brat, and Charlotte was being anti-female, they always talked it out and moved on. They always came through for each other in times of need, even if they were fighting, Friends will be different from one another with different desires and view points. Your best friends will be there to challenge you and speak to your issues when you need to be woken up. They will cry when you cry, and jump for joy when you do, no matter what has happened in the past.
Mr. Big said it best; “You're the loves of her life and a guy's just lucky to come in fourth.”
Madey