The Politics of Sex
On August 31, 2018, Ariana Grande performed at Aretha Franklins funeral. She was one of the many artists who preformed tributes to the musical legend at the ceremony. After her performance, she was up on stage with the reverend officiating the ceremony and was visibly groped by him. His hand should have been just under her ribs, but instead he had placed it up near her breast and was visibly grabbing her and feeling her. Grande is also very obviously leaning away and trying to get away from this man as best she can. Once photos and videos of this came out, there were multiple reactions to this. Some people said this was awful and the man was a pig for doing this, especially at a funeral. Others felt the need to chime in and say that this was a regal place to put your hands when you had your arm around someone. She was just being overdramatic. The only reason she was being “overdramatic” was because she is a woman, and he is a man in a position of power. And this is just the beginning of this issue.
This is something that is as taboo as talking about your income. Its something everyone knows is going on but know one wants to say anything about it. This is the politics of sex; the slightly unwritten rules about what is ok for men to do, and what is ok for women to do, and how the woman is treated if she oversteps her bounds. I was recently told that when most guys ask a woman how many people she has slept with, they will add 7 to her number because it is believed she is lying. A woman should have a lower number of sexual partners than a man should, and if it is deems to high that is more than appropriate to stop seeing her. Meanwhile men are out here with numbers in the 20s and if a woman flinches at it for a second, she’s a prude.
“It’s just different for guys.”
I cant even count the amount of times I have heard this phrase. Whether I was just casually talking to friends, or talking to a guy I was seeing, it has always been made clear that men can have more freedom when it comes to sex. There is really no argument that ever follows to back this up, just that men get to do more of what they want when it comes to sex. Simple as that. I have been told multiple times that “women are just more picky” and that is why they have less sex. There are multiple issues to unpack in statements like that, but there are two I want to focus on: the first one is that even if women did just sleep with any man who asked, she would be a slut automatically. And the second being that women have to be “more picky” in order to stay safe. Women and members of the LGBTQ community have to be picky because things can go from a casual fling to dangerous very quickly.
Further on the topic of danger, its not a thing men have to regularly worry about. Yes, men are sexually assaulted. It 100% is a real problem and happens. But it does not happen at the rate that it does for women. Men are not taught to carry their keys between their fingers in case they need to defend themselves. Men are not given pepper spray when they go off to college. Men are not taught to keep their drinks safe when they go out in case someone drugs them. On this topic I have bene told many things, ranging from he sympathetic, “I wish things were different too, but they probably won’t be,” to the stupid, “Guys are just that way”, to my least favorite, “Well women are smaller. Automatically you are a target.”
When it comes to sex, women are meant to be sweet, innocent, and pure. We are meant to never have even looked a man, unless it was to openly admire him. And if women chose to have sex, we are supposed to keep it a secret and never tell anyone. We are not allowed to dress in anyway that is presumed sexy. We are not allowed to masturbate, let alone tell anyone we do. We are not allowed to even post slightly suggestive photos while men get away with going shirtless (and sometimes bottomless) and everyone just finds them sexy. Women who talk about sex in their music, in their writing, or any other art form are automatically deemed “sluts”, while men do it everyday.
Over the next couple of weeks, I plan to have 2 more pieces about this topic. A slightly more in-depth piece on a couple of the topics I have listed above. This is a good introduction to what it is like for women and how this needs to stop for the better of everyone. If you have anything specific you want me to address in the follow two pieces, leave a comment on this post, or message me on Instagram! We’ve got a lot to talk about.
Madey