Fabulous

I have never thought of myself as a particularly girly girl. I was always running around outside, playing in the dirt, not afraid to pick up the bug (as long as it wasn't a spider). I caught lizards every summer and when we would go camping, I would catch frogs and hold them against their will till we left later that week. As I grew up, it took me until my junior year of high school to actually get my own sense of style and do things with my hair and wear makeup that was more than just mascara. And even then it only progressed to eye liner and then mascara. 

But somewhere around senior year of high school and on, I became much more girly. I started playing around with makeup more and more complicated things with my hair (not just leaving it in its mess of curls) I was wearing clothes that made people stare. I wanted to wear heels and fluffy skirts and often my combat boots with fluffy skirts. Even when I was nannying I got ready for the day and sometimes even put on a full dress and face of makeup to hang out with a three year old. Even though I still like to put my own spin on the outfits I wear, and I loath the color pink, I realized that I was girly. 

After this thought occurred to me, I noticed that even when I was little and playing in dirt with the frogs, I was also the little girl who loved princesses. I had these tule skirts and matching arm bands I would wear around the house with my unicorn head band on. I was a dancer and loved getting all dressed up in glitter  and tutu’s. I loved playing with barbies and baby dolls and all of the typical little girl stuff. I had a butterfly bedroom and then a fairy bedroom. I was the girl who once left her shoes out in the rain while camping and they got soaking wet so I had to wear my Ugg boots with my shorts and I wouldn't leave the tent because I thought I looked stupid. I may have gotten into mud fights with my friends, but I also wanted to look good and wear sparkles. 

Thinking about this initially horrified me. Why would I ever want to look in the mirror and think of myself as girly? Why would I ever want other people to think of me like that? After this train of thought continued to spiral, it became apparent why this is such an issue: women who are “girly” or frilly or in any way a little stereotypical, get put down. They are perceived as weak and vulnerable and not someone who should be admired or important. And I would like to equate this most recent view to the new wave of feminism that has been sweeping our culture. 

With this new appreciation and understanding of feminism, women have been lifting up the strong, independent career woman. Which is amazing, don't get me wrong (I have some of those characteristics as well) but it also leaves the more feminine women in the dust. It puts them down in order to life the other up, when the whole point is really for everyone, no matter who you are, to be treated with equal value and respect. Not just the independent woman who made partner at her law firm. All women need to be celebrated and lifted up, regardless of how they are perceived. 

One of my favorite quotes is from the tv show New Girl, that I think sums up this problem perfectly. The main character, Jess, is in court for a parking ticket with a woman, Julia, as her lawyer. Julia has been making fun of Jess the entire episode for being to weak and feminine, and at the end Jess finally breaks and tells her off. “I break for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. And yes, I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. But  that doesn't mean that I'm not smart and tough and strong.”

I think we often forget that a woman can both be feminine and tough. She can be frilly and independent.  The two things do not need to be mutually exclusive. In one week, I can dress like four different women; 90’s band girl, preppy college kid, athelisure all the way, and front row at New York Fashion Week. The point is, I can still stand my ground and hold me own even if I look like an extra “Gossip Girl”. It’s time we let go of the idea that a woman can’t be strong and frilly at the same time.