Slut Shaming and Other Fun Things

I have recently had the truly unpleasant experience of  slut shaming. While it was a small thing that would happen when I was in high school, it was always just based around what I wore or if some girl was mad at me and had nothing else to say accept to call me a slut. This incident was full blow shaming around whom I had or had not had sex with. As well as insane speculation and wild rumors that made no sense. 

Without going into too many details, one small rumor about my break-up got started where I work and all of the sudden I was sleeping with multiple men on a daily basis. It grew quickly and maliciously and still has not ended. I’ve been called out for having too many male friends, which apparently makes me a slut.  I was also informed I was sleeping with all of these male friends (I was not)and that was the only reason they were friends withe me in the first place. I have heard that I was trading sex in addition for men to buy me things, and so many more that are not even worth mentioning. I do my best to not let rumors get to me, but these not only got out of hand very quickly, but also changed many people’s view of me, all the way up to management that does not personally know me. 

There are many issues with this whole thing, one of the main ones being none of this should have gotten brought into my work place. But that is not the topic of this post. Todays post is about what happens when a woman is slut shamed for doing something men in this society get praised for. The higher a man’s number of people he sleeps with, the more praise he gets from people. He is seen as a true man and someone other men should be like. When a woman has a high number, she is a slut, whore, hoe, and many other demeaning words. Why is it ok as a society to lift up men who are sexual, but not ok for a woman to be?

The actual dictionary definition of slut is as follows: obsolete, slovenly woman. Unclean. The origin of this word is Norwegian and was used to speak about a woman who didn't have a clean home. The definition of slut literally means slob. It means that a woman failed to keep her house clean. Somewhere along the lines, we decided to make it be a cruel word to demean the dressing and sexual choices of a woman. These choices, might I add, concern no one but her. Calling a woman a slut, whore or a hoe or any other word you can think of because of the way she is dressed or chose to live their lives is unacceptable. Just take a moment and think about what would happen to a woman if she decided to call a man a whore because he was wearing pants that his underwear stuck out of. Women have been killed for less. 

Slut has also just become a word that gets used when one girl doesn't like another. I can’t even count the amount of times some girl who was mad at me would call me these things for no other reason. I assumed this would stop after high school, but low and behold I am 21 and this is still an issue. And this is the biggest problem. To quote Tina Fey from Mean Girls, “If you call each other sluts and whores, it only makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.” Not that either way it’s really ok, but it’s a truly magnificent point. 

When a guy sees women calling each other these things, they think it must be an acceptable insult they can call a woman with no problem. Which just adds to the sense of male entitlement (but that is another post for another time.) I’m not saying if we all magically band together and stopped using it towards each other, that men would miraculously stop using it, but it would be a really important first step. 

The point here being is that even if we don't agree with someones choices, like how they dress or their sexual habits, it’s not our place to call them names and judge them. Especially if a woman is doing it to another woman. We all know how it feels to be called these things so why continuously inflict that pain on others? These rumors have drastically impacted how people think of me as a person. Whether or not someone is having sex, or with whom, should not directly effect their character. 

The point of this whole post is to say that we as women still have a pretty long battle ahead of us. We get yelled it if we snap back when being cat called because apparently we should take that as a compliment. We get told we shouldn’t do certain jobs. And really the worst one of them all, we don't really have the right to our own bodies. Just take a moment and picture what would happen in this world if we told a man what he could and couldn't do with his body. But everyday women are shamed for the exact same thing men are doing. Sex is something that should stay between you and your partner, but if you are someone who is not private with their sex life, do not let others shame you for a personal choice. Its your body and your life. Live it how you please.

Women, when you are treated unjustly, speak up and make sure you are heard. Men, treat the women in your life with respect and equality. Don’t degrade women based on what they their sexual choices. Or really any choices for that matter. What is right for one woman might not be right for another and so on. Lets try lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down for a change shall we?

Madey